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The end of the year is upon us. As we are celebrating the return of the light with the natural celebration of Winter Solstice, an old friend might appear your Shadow. Not to my own surprise, right around the Solstice,I became shrouded with my old dark wounds and trauma. As I reflected it always happens at this time of year, your light seeks to illuminate the darkness within. Tis the season of transformation. It is a beautiful marker on my forever quest to heal, grow, and expand. To be an alchemist and architect of ones life. To learn from my journey and to embrace the teachings that are thrown at me in this school room called Earth. As well as it is my mission, to be a light for others to reach their potential and embrace the universes amazing possibilities.
Here are some nuggets I found to alleviate and heal some of my trauma and hopefully yours. Earlier in the week, I spent my work day co-listening toMarianne Williamson's wisdom. Through various lectures and interviews. In her book Tears to Triump she says that, “There exists a spiritual vacuum at the heart of our society, the natural consequence of which is a low-level sadness. The very worldview that permeates our civilization is depressing. A mechanistic interpretation of the world teaches us to see people as machines, not as multidimensional beings — as bodies, but not as spirits. This mindset denies who and what we actually are. We live with endless, tiny repudiations of our true nature throughout the day every day of our lives. Simply living in today’s world is emotionally traumatic. But our emotional disconnection from each other, from ourselves, from nature, from God — indeed, from any sense of transcendent reality — is not one specific violent event. Rather, it is the consistent, rolling trauma of living in a world so disconnected from love. We are not just depressed about specific incidents, and we are not just depressed as individuals. We are depressed collectively. Here is what I got. Accept and honor your suffering, but then surrender it to the Universe and then return to the river of Love. This is really a daily practice. After that then I listened to whole day with Tony Robbins. At his lecture Leading an Extraordinary Life on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, he ended with a very profound meditation. It begins at 1.34 minutes. To Summarize, Tony said your heart has its own intelligence is our true center of power and knowing. His guide was to:
I had huge shift. That night in my dream, I was what seemed to be for hours, meditating with a Rose quartz on my heart. Giving gratitude to my HeART over and over in a semi lucid state. Here is my holistic recipe to transform your own suffering, into the light of love. It is the integration of aromatherapy, crystal work, creative writing, yoga, candle work, and art. You will need
Here is the ritual process. Create a safe and sacred vessel. A place to be alone for a while. Have any sacred objects in your space. Review the process below. Make sure the Frankincence scent is filling the air. Take a moment, close your eyes, and breath three times deeply into our body. 1. Begin by taking a piece of paper and write a letter to your suffering self. Write about how you feel, what memories are being stirred up, and what triggers activated this old wound. Let it all out of your inner world. 2. Next take your candle, write on the glass with a sharpie~ I am love, I am an alchemist, and I am being healed. I am letting go of what know longer serves. Light the candle with a intention. Have a bowl of water next to you. Then burn safely the letter that you wrote to your suffering self up, into ash. Place in the water bowl. 3. Gently stand and stretch in the yoga pose the Kali Mudra. Extend your arms with your hands interlaced and point to the sky. This is the fierce Goddess pose. Feel and breathe into your inner power. Review this link HERE to walk you through this empowering yoga pose. 4. Then take another piece of paper and write all that you want to let go of in your life. And all that you want to bring in. Write about your ultimate mission, your vision, and your purpose in life. 5. Next step do the Tony Robbins short meditation and get into your zone of gratitude.
5. Create a circle on the piece of paper and start creating your Mandala of Self Love to yourself. You can use the archetypal symbol of the Yin and Yang for container within your circle. See what that is HERE. 6. Keep your candle burning till it goes out (if you feel safe) 7. After you are done with your Mandala, gently stand and open your heart to the sky. This is standing yoga pose, were you extended your arms to the sky. Then with your palms open bend back with your elbows. Into a soft back bend. 8. Honor your art. Stare at your Mandala and write in your journal, about the process and how are you feeling afterwards. Any new insights or revelations? Has it become your oracle, revealing new territories to discover and learn about? 9. At night place the Rose Quartz under your pillow and watch your dreams. Record them the next day. In the morning be gentle with yourself and do not pop on the daily news. The next morning reflect on do you feel better? Is your suffering at bay? Do you feel transformed? Do you feel empowered? Let me know in the comment section below! Also, realize that by using this process, which multi-sensory you are building a bridge from your conscious to subconscious mind. When you unite these two parts of your self true transformation and healing will occur. Negative thinking is a result of deeper, faulty subconscious programming that must be addressed if you want get rid of negative thoughts once and for all. It goes without saying that our positive and negative thoughts influence every single thing in our lives. They determine what we feel about ourselves, others, and the world, and what we express about our beliefs, opinions, values and judgments. Because our thoughts are formed by how we perceive things, depending on our experiences—positive or negative—our ideas and attitudes about everything are based on how we are not only affected by those experiences, but by how we interpret those experiences. An example of this would be when you were young and someone—a teacher, sibling, friend or even complete stranger—told you or gave you the impression that you weren’t “good enough” at something, be it singing, dancing, school, basketball, or whatever. Until that person said that to you, or made you feel that way, you might not have thought that about yourself, but now that someone else’s thought has made its way into your mind, unchallenged, you’ve accepted it as true. Unless you’ve had reason or evidence otherwise to challenge it, you’ve taken that belief on as your own. That negative thought will remain in your mind, even if it’s pushed into your subconscious where you might be unaware of it, until something or someone triggers it, and you react to it emotionally without really knowing why. In order to better understand our negative thinking patterns, it’s important to know how they work. Imagine our mind as having two levels to it, like a house for instance, with the main floor being the conscious mind and the basement being the subconscious. This analogy allows us to see how there are two parts of our mind, working together, existing “under the same roof”: the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious part of our mind is responsible for logic and reasoning, and a good portion of your negative thoughts. For instance, if you were asked to count the peas on your plate, it’s your conscious mind that will add it up. The conscious mind also controls your voluntary actions, so when you decide to move your arms or legs, it’s your conscious mind telling you to carry out the action. The subconscious part of your mind is responsible for all of your involuntary actions. Your breathing and heartbeat are controlled by your subconscious. You don’t have to think about it or tell your heart to beat because it’s doing it on its own—it’s automatic. Think of it like driving a car. When you first learned to drive, you had to really focus and concentrate. But the more you did it, the more familiar and comfortable you became on the road, and the less you had to “think” about what you needed to do. It became automatic because your subconscious absorbed how to drive from you on a conscious level. You were feeding your subconscious information like, “A red light means stop. Green means go.” Once we became proficient at driving, we no longer had to consciously process what we did when we came to a red light; our subconscious took over and our reaction was automatic. The information was stored in our memory—our subconscious, and too often the information it stores can produce persistent negative thoughts. positive thoughts happen naturally when you remove the deeper roots of negative thinking. We teach our subconscious everything it knows, meaning we’re constantly feeding it information—and that doesn’t just mean the correct way to drive a car. It means we also feed it information that can also not be positive or productive to our well-being. In other words, our thoughts are not as cut and dry as what to do at a red light; that is, we may not necessarily think we’re telling ourselves things that aren’t good for us when we’re thinking and processing thoughts that are invalidating or detrimental, any more than we would tell ourselves to speed through a red light. However, if we believe our negative thoughts to be true without challenging them, we run the risk of storing them in our subconscious as our reality, whether they are true and real or not, and that can be threatening or dangerous to our well-being too. Why wouldn’t we put the same care and attention that we put into learning to drive a car as we do into what we tell ourselves? It’s imperative to challenge our negative thoughts as soon as it pops up in our conscious mind in order to catch them and challenge them before they get stored in our subconscious as beliefs. It’s important to also note that while the subconscious mind is the basement/storage area for our thoughts, it is also responsible for the automatically triggered feelings and emotions that we suddenly experience upon facing each situation. Until we know what negative thoughts our conscious mind is telling our subconscious, we are not in control of what we think we are—which can affect every decision we make, every desire we have, every goal we want to realize. More than just facilitating our feelings, which dictate our actions, the conscious and subconscious are our entire thoughts combined, which is a pretty powerful combination. Conscious vs. Subconscious ThoughtsNapoleon Hill, the 20th century pioneer of positive thinking, once observed that, “The subconscious mind makes no distinction between constructive and destructive thought impulses; (it) will translate into reality a thought driven by fear, just as readily as it will translate into reality a thought driven by courage or faith.” That’s why it is up to us to discern the difference between positive and negative thoughts. And the only way we can “discern” the difference between “constructive and destructive” thoughts is to question them to find out which ones serve our well-being, and which ones don’t. If they are derived from a distorted perception we have of something we’ve experienced, or have been influenced by a negative opinion or belief of someone else, then they will cause our thoughts to be “driven by fear”, and will not serve our well-being. Sticking with the basement analogy, that the subconscious is like a the storage room of all of your memories from the experiences you’ve had, both positive and negative, it’s not until we delve deeper into our subconscious to find out what beliefs are stored there that we can begin to weed out what is negative (destructive), and keep what is positive (constructive). Until we do, we will constantly be at the affect of our fear-based negative thoughts running our minds. Questioning your thoughts not only reaches your conscious but subconscious as well. When a negative thought pops up in our mind, it usually triggers an emotion, like sadness or anger, and it’s only by questioning those thoughts that you can find out why you feel the way you do. By doing so, you delve deeper into what’s stored in your subconscious (and why it’s there). This is necessary, especially if you need to clear out some of those thoughts and let them go. You aren’t just skimming the surface of your thoughts. Overcoming your negative thinking requires you to go deeper into your “thought base”: your subconscious. Unless you reach far in there, you are only putting a band-aid on your negative thoughts—covering them up without addressing the deeper wound. You aren’t getting to the bottom of them to find out why they are there in the first place, lurking below the surface and popping up during periods of stress or emotional turbulence. The conscious mind monitors whatever thoughts arise, and serves as a filter to either accept or reject them. What it chooses to accept or reject has a lot to do with what thoughts seem useful or beneficial for one’s sense of “self” or “identity.” So if you have a negative opinion of yourself, you will allow for negative thoughts to come in and “stay there,” which your subconscious absorbs as your beliefs, and those beliefs will stay real for as long as you allow for them to. If you’ve accepted as your reality the belief that you’re fat based on something someone said to you about your weight a long time ago, and still hold it as true, it remains stored in your subconscious, and whenever you are in a situation where you have to show your body, like on a summer cruise or on the beach in a bathing suit, for example, you may be prone to feeling depressed or anxious without ever connecting it to when that thought was “accepted” as your reality. You will have a “fixed” belief about your body that it’s not good enough because someone told that to you, and until you question and challenge it with the Says Who? method to find out that it’s not your original thought, you will be at the affect of it time and time again. The same can be said for any negative belief you have and are holding onto. Feelings of inferiority or any kind of self-loathing doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. Those negative thoughts that create those feelings are usually tucked away deep in our subconscious, and sometimes are so buried, we are completely unaware that they are hidden within us. It’s like walking around with self-hate, and going about your life, even smiling to the world, without ever letting anyone know that there’s a part of you that holds yourself in contempt. Whatever negative thought you tell yourself goes straight into your subconscious and stays there as a belief. The only way a belief can be changed is if you change it on a conscious level, which is done by questioning those beliefs to make sure they are true—that is, whether they are based on fact or simply a “distorted” perception you have. That’s why, whatever you tell yourself, especially if it’s negative, your subconscious believes it. And why wouldn’t it, since only you are the gatekeeper of all your thoughts and beliefs entering into or exiting from your mind. Whatever you accept as real and true, so does your subconscious. Accepting a negative thought like, “I’m fat” or “stupid” or “a failure,” will be stored in your subconscious as a belief about yourself. Until you challenge that negative thinking, your subconscious will keep it as a fixed belief. For instance, if you tell yourself something like “I’m fat,” and want to lose weight, your subconscious registers and accepts that negative thought as a belief. If you genuinely want to lose weight, “I’m fat,” is not the motivating or productive thought you need to be thinking; it’s not a useful thought that tells your subconscious what you want to achieve, or what your intention is, but rather it’s just name calling and putting yourself down. You’re sabotaging yourself even before you start. If you really want to lose weight, tell yourself you will, and mean it. If you’re sincere in your desire, your subconscious will believe you, and hold that belief as true, and together your conscious mind and subconscious mind can work in tandem to achieve the optimum results you want. A few years ago supermodel Kate Moss caused quite a furor when she was asked how she was always able to remain model-thin year-in, year-out and she was quoted as saying, “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.” Now, you may disagree with her sentiment, but she is an example of someone who is continually reinforcing her desire—to be skinny—to her subconscious. She resists temptation to overindulge in food because she has embedded a negative thought in the form of an image in her mind about how good it looks and feels to be thin. Your desire and your belief in yourself to realize that desire need to be one and the same, and if they aren’t, you will be sending mixed messages to your subconscious, which will store those mixed messages as your beliefs, and that’s the very thing you want to avoid. The ultimate goal is to have all of your thoughts and beliefs, conscious and subconscious, to be similar and in synch so they can support what you want with clear-minded intention. When we are conflicted, it’s important to sort out our thoughts to determine the source of the mixed feelings we are having. Questioning our thoughts is a useful tool in getting rid of our negative thoughts. Doing so helps us identify and recognize the conflicted and contradictory thoughts we are having, such as, “I want to lose weight, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it.” It’s okay and even common to have a thought like that, which combines a positive intention with a doubt or fear. But keep in mind that the thought that will best set your desire in motion is, “I want to lose weight.” That’s the one you want to focus on and repeat like a mantra because, remember, your subconscious is listening! The second part of the thought, “but I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it” supports fear and doubt, and that is the part you need to question and challenge. It’s also important to make sure that whatever it is we desire to do, it’s backed up and supported with positive, affirmative thoughts. Just having the desire to do something, like losing weight, is not enough to make it happen. Just ask anyone who’s ever made a New Year’s resolution! You have to continue your mental discipline by staying focused and vigilant about not letting other mixed or negative thoughts be a part of your thinking process when you want to reach a goal. Say you’re trying to quit an addictive habit like smoking. It’s one thing to say you want to quit, but it’s extremely difficult to be successful, especially since research shows smoking is one of the hardest habits to break. Yes, saying what we want to do is important and a good place to start, but if you light up a cigarette after you’ve decided to quit and make excuses and tell yourself something like, “I’m just having one after lunch and that’s okay,” you are clearly sending a mixed message to your subconscious that it is okay, and that’s not going to help you quit at all. That is a perfect example of a desire that is not in synch with a thought. There are people who smoke who will even say, “It’s a disgusting habit, I know,” and light right up anyway. Even though they would like nothing more than to quit, if they’re saying those kinds of contradictory thoughts to themselves and think such words are meaningless and thus won’t interfere with their goal, unfortunately those words and negative thoughts will. Just like telling yourself “I’m fat,” you might say smoking is a disgusting habit, but until you are truly disgusted by it, and everything else you think supports your unhappiness and disgust with smoking, then quitting smoking will remain only a desire you hope to realize “someday.” Unless you’re telling yourself exactly what you want to do productively and actively, which I call an “Action Thought,” then you won’t be able to reach your goal successfully. Remember, your conscious thoughts and your subconscious beliefs must be one and the same in order for you to achieve your desire. The best way for that to happen is to challenge any negative thought you have, and remove it before it gets stored in your subconscious as a belief. We have to be careful, also, that we don’t set ourselves up to fail with our positive thinking, which is why it’s so important to be clear about our conscious thoughts, and the message they’re sending to our subconscious. Sometimes our goals are set so high that we make it almost impossible for ourselves to reach them, one of the reasons those dreaded New Year’s resolutions never seem to work out. Losing weight is a good example to describe the frustration many people feel about not being able to accomplish what they set out to do. Many times the first thing someone will say when they want to lose weight is the number of pounds they want to drop, which is fine, and can be good for goal setting. But the number they attach to their goal to lose weight can become so daunting to them over time, that their thoughts about losing weight start to weaken and their desire and best intentions can’t hold up or sustain itself under the weight of their negative thinking, and they find themselves unable to reach the number they proclaimed they would. “I’m going to lose fifty pounds!” a client announced with tremendous enthusiasm to me one day. This happens a lot—getting caught up with excitement and announcing a new goal. Her excitement, however, was more about the number and end result than the day-to-day commitment it takes to actually lose the weight. Therefore, as the days continued, her excitement began to wear off, and the thoughts that are needed to support her “desire” to lose weight began to vanish, and the “belief” in herself to lose weight, especially the number of pounds she’d put in her mind, was no longer there, but was instead replaced by negative thoughts of doubt. The problem with that type of thinking is that you’re not only left with not realizing your goal, as my client was, but you may even resort to name calling, such as, “I’m a loser,” which only exacerbates the shame spiral and confirms a negative subconscious belief. The key is, once the first troubling negative thought pops up, to question that thought. Ask yourself, “Says who? Who says I’m a loser?” Doing so allows you to examine it and hold it up to the light of day. Unless you question a negative belief you have about yourself or someone else, or something someone has said about you, it becomes a permanent part of your thinking. Remember, your subconscious takes you literally, so if you’re going to proclaim a goal like, “I’m going to lose fifty pounds,” make sure it’s reasonable and you can stick to it. If you have any doubt that you might not be able to, why not just start with telling yourself something like “I’m going to lose some weight.” That’s perfectly fine and acceptable, and if you do happen to reach your goal of fifty pounds or however many pounds you want to lose, you’ll feel that much better about yourself. The problem with being overzealous or over-demanding of yourself, and getting caught up with numbers or statistics in your mind more than the day-to-day commitment to losing weight is that, if you don’t reach your goal, you can end up feeling bad about yourself and revert to name calling, such as, “I’m a failure.” Remember, no name calling! Children do that in the sandbox. The Origins of Self-Critical ThinkingMany of our beliefs are formed when we are children and adolescents, and become our “core” beliefs, which are the main ideas we have about ourselves, and continue to have as adults. For us to function in a way that feels good or comfortable, we need to maintain positive core beliefs, meaning holding thoughts like, “I’m likable,” or “I’m worthwhile,” or “I’m a good person,” etc. However, given that we also hold negative core beliefs too, and they often don’t rear their ugly heads until we’re feeling vulnerable, upset, angry, hurt or stressed, that’s when they can automatically pop up as counter-productive negative thoughts in our minds and feel like they have control or power over our thinking. As children we don’t understand how our thoughts become our core beliefs, and we’re very susceptible to being influenced by our peers and the adults around us. We also want to be liked and accepted so it’s easier to go along with someone else’s opinion, even if we don’t necessarily agree or like it. So the result is we often grow up with some negativity in our belief system, and it can become rigid or even fixed about certain ideas or opinions we have. It’s not until you ask yourself as an adult questions about a negative or fear-based thought you have, which has turned into a belief, that you can think back and remember who it was that told you that you “weren’t good enough,” or “weren’t going to amount to anything,” or something that was critical or demeaning that might have been said to you at one time. This helps you connect the dots to when your thinking stopped being authentically your own. By doing this you can then challenge this negative thought you’ve been carrying around for so long about yourself: 1. Is not your original thought. 2. You’ve heard it said by someone else. 3. You don’t like. 4. Does not make you feel better. 5. Does not work for you. 6. Controls your thinking. 7. You don’t want to keep. A thought that does not serve your well-being or influences your life in a negative way is often a thought that is blown out of proportion—that is, distorted and therefore not real. When you challenge a negative thought that is real, you’ll find it can be backed up with evidence or fact, and known to be true based on proof. But let’s say you can back up a thought with proof like you’re a “horrible cook,” or you’re “bad at sports,” or “not good at math,” with proof (burned dinners or bad grades, for instance) and feel there’s nothing distorted or untrue about what you’re not good at. The problem really isn’t your shortcomings or inabilities. It’s the negative, undermining thoughts that continue to berate you that do the most harm. And that can be much more damaging than the truth itself. I mean, all of us are good at some things and not so good at others. That’s life. However, it’s the negative perception we have about it and the negative things we tell ourselves concerning it that diminishes us and doesn’t serve our well-being. It’s also how we interpret either a comment someone makes toward us or what we tell ourselves about the things we perceive as weaknesses that determines what we believe is real and what is not. For example, thinking you’re a loser or unlovable can be a negative thought you hold about yourself that you’ve accepted because you’re not good or successful at something. Instead of accepting that as true or real, you need to challenge those negative labels or name calling of yourself by asking “Says who?” By starting with that first question you are challenging negative thinking that you have about yourself, which helps you realize that just because you may not be good or successful at a particular thing, it does not make you a loser or unlovable. Question—and Challenge—Your ThoughtsNobody is born a loser or unlovable. Those are opinions and beliefs we grow into believing about ourselves because of how we interpreted a challenging negative experience we had or something someone said about us. “Says who?” is asking yourself, “Who says I’m a loser or unlovable?” “Did I tell myself that I’m a loser or unlovable?” or “Did someone else say that about me?” You need to find that out first before you ask yourself the subsequent six questions of the method. It’s important to take responsibility for your negative thoughts, and by doing so, you can understand that any negative thought you have is something only you can change if you want to. And even if your negative thought or opinion about yourself was something you accepted because of someone else’s opinion of you, it is still up to you to change it if you don’t like it. It is as simple as challenging negative thinking with “Says who?”, and then following up with a short series of questions designed to determine if your thoughts are serving your well-being by supporting and affirming your desires and goals. We can tell ourselves all sorts of things we wish were different about ourselves: “I wish I was taller, thinner, smarter, more creative, more successful,” etc. All of us have things about ourselves we wish were different, but it’s important to be aware when those thoughts go into negative attack mode over what you wish was different about you. There’s a big difference between having a wish or an opinion about yourself that is honest and harmless vs. attaching a negative thought to it. Wishing you were thinner, smarter, more successful, or whatever you might wish for are natural desires to have, and sometimes necessary and helpful for motivating you to achieve what you want. However, unless there are positive, affirming thoughts to surround your desire, that negative thinking will threaten to undermine your desires and goals. I’m not saying that every single thought we have can be or even should be glowing and complimentary, but since every negative thought you have influences everything in your life, you may as well decide that you want your internal dialogue to be positive and productive, which can only make you feel good about yourself, and a little bit of self praise certainly can’t hurt. Honesty about ourselves is one thing, but tearing yourself down is completely useless, counter-productive, and serves no purpose whatsoever for your well-being. Your Authentic SelfThe Says Who? method will help you get to the bottom of your negative thinking so you can know what is real and what is not. Think of it as your truth barometer, or your compass pointing to your authentic self—the you that was whole and existed in a “true nature” state before your negative thoughts and beliefs influenced and distorted your perception of your real essence, self esteem, and healthy image of yourself. It’s time to return to your original, authentic self, and be present in your life as someone who deserves to love and accept yourself for who you really are, and meant to be. And if your goals are to change certain things about yourself you would like to improve, go easy with kindness, and not negative criticism. You will get much more positive results by encouraging yourself to be better at something, or the best that you can be by thinking positive thoughts that are productive and supportive. Your thoughts should be your cheering squad, not your hecklers. Be clear about your desire, and the conscious positive thoughts you tell yourself, which then gets stored in your subconscious as beliefs. However, just getting to know your thoughts and their origin is only the beginning of your journey of awareness, a journey that will allow you to eventually be able to recognize and understand and get rid of your negative thoughts better than you ever have before, and let you control them rather than having them control you. Challenging negative thinking will help you form a productive relationship between you and your thoughts, meaning that it will yield a cohesive working system where your thoughts that are allowed to “occupy” your mind have been cleared by you first. This also holds you accountable for them, an important step if you want to be in charge of your thoughts. You need to be the regulator of what thoughts stay in and what thoughts go out. However, in order for you to truly be able to put the Says Who? method to work and get the best results out of it, it’s important to be completely committed to understanding how your thoughts work, and want to change the negative thoughts into productive positive thoughts with consistency. This needs to become your new way of thinking, which requires a mental discipline. Just like you would exercise to take care of your body and keep it fit and in good shape, or eat well to take care of your health, you need to take care of your thinking, and make sure your mental health is optimum. The First StepEven before you use the Says Who? method, the first thing to do when an unpleasant or negative thought comes into your head and threatens to throw you off stride is to acknowledge it right away. Acknowledge: Recognize its existence, even if it’s upsetting. Don’t deny it or try to push it away. This allows you to recognize that you are having a negative thought and admit to yourself that it is happening. This keeps you in the present moment. Being in the present moment is important because it allows you to focus on what is occurring in the “now,” which is actual and real, instead of the emotion surrounding the thought. Doing this will help put you in the observer mode, instead of reactive mode. Observer Mode: Observing your thought means you are listening to it like a witness. This allows you to separate yourself from your negative thinking and be independent of it. By doing this you are not reacting to it or having it influence your state of mind in any way, but merely aware of it. Reactive Mode: Being reactive is the opposite of observing. Reactive Mode means you are responding to your negative thought quickly without acknowledging or observing it. When you are in this state of mind you cannot separate yourself from your negative thinking nor can you question it to find out if it is real or not. You are at the mercy of your negative thought and it is controlling you. By acknowledging your negative thought, and then examining it closely as an observer and not a reactor, you can identify whether it is a productive thought that helps you function in a positive way in life and serves your well-being or if it’s a thought that makes you feel bad or fearful, and serves no purpose for your well-being at all. You can then begin the Says Who? questioning process to find out what that negative thought is doing in your mind, and what it wants from you. Think of it as an intruder. The first thing you would want to ask someone who is trespassing or invading your space is, “What are you doing here?” or “What do you want?” They don’t belong on your private property, and have no right to be there. The same can be said about a negative, intrusive thought that pops up in your mind unexpectedly and uninvited. By being the observer you’re applying the same kind of questioning to your negative or disruptive thoughts as you would an intruder. That’s why the first thing you need to ask yourself when a negative thought pops into your mind is “Says who?” which means, “Who is saying this thought in my mind and why?” This immediately helps establish what it’s doing in your mind and what it wants from you. This first question will also start the process needed to identify and challenge your negative thinking as real or not real. The subsequent questions will challenge your negative thought even more so that you can get to the bottom of it and the intention behind it. By probing further you can then decide if you want to keep your negative thought or let it go—a decision that is completely up to you. You are in control of your thoughts, always. By challenging a negative thought with “Says who?” you are demanding it to reveal who is responsible for this thought in your mind. In other words, how did it get there? Once you find out, then you are responsible for what you want to do about it. Is it your original thought, or was it someone else’s and you took it on as your own? You may even discover it is an old thought that has become part of your core beliefs, and now it’s time to challenge it and let it go. The Says Who? MethodThe Says Who? questioning method will begin the process needed for you to know and understand your thoughts better, so that you can be prepared to challenge negative thinking when it unexpectedly pops up and wants to undermine, sabotage, control, or keep you from being your authentic self, and reaching your goals to lead a happy and fulfilled life. As I’ve said, you cannot lead a happy and fulfilled life if your inner dialogue is conflicted or causing you to suffer. When you commit to using the following questions, and allow them to be your guide for managing your thoughts, you will see how clear and sharp your perception will become, and how you are able to discern and identify quickly which of your thoughts are real and which are not. By using the Says Who? method with consistency, the bottom line will eventually be, “If this negative thought doesn’t support my well-being, then I have no use for it.” Using the method regularly will also give you the tools to immediately identify, challenge and resist any negative thinking that tries to pull you down a non-productive path. It will enable you to refuse to give in to the type of negative thoughts that can cause you to take a “wrong turn” and derail you from reaching your goals. Says Who? will help you stay on course so you can create the positive mindset needed to reach fulfillment. The Says Who? Questions 1. Says Who? 2. Have I heard someone say this thought before? 3. Do I like this thought? 4. Does this thought make me feel better? 5. Does this thought work for me? 6. Am I in control of this thought? 7. Do I want to keep this thought or let it go? These seven questions will be the tools in your arsenal to combat what can often feel like a mental battle in our minds. Having them at your disposal whenever you need them will allow you to feel equipped to master your mind at all times. You will feel empowered knowing that you are in control of your negative thoughts—they are not in control of you! Breaking Down the QuestionsBy asking yourself “Says Who?”—you are confronting and challenging a negative or fear-based thought to find out what it’s doing in your mind. By answering, “I am saying this thought,” you now assume responsibility for your negative thought, and can begin the process of questioning and examining it more closely to find out what purpose it’s serving for your well being. Subsequently, by asking yourself: Have I heard someone say this thought before? You’re finding out if this is your original thought, or if it came into your mind because you heard someone else—such as a parent, relative, teacher, spouse, boss, or anyone other than yourself—say this to you before. By identifying the originator of the thought, you are able to know if it isn’t your original negative thought, and does not belong to you as your own. Do I like this thought? You’re finding out if this thought is desirable or appealing to you. If not, why are you thinking it? Does this thought make me feel better? You’re finding out if this negative thinking builds you up or tears you down; improves how you feel or makes you feel worse. If it doesn’t make you feel better about yourself or enhance your self-esteem in any way, why are you thinking it? Does this thought work for me? You’re finding out if this thought is useful or productive for you, and if it supports your desires or goals. If not, why are you thinking it? Am I in control of this thought? You’re finding out if this negative thought has any kind of hold or power over you, or whether you are in control of it. If not, why would you think a thought that has the power to have control over you? Do I want to keep this thought or let it go? You’re finding out if you want to hold on to a negative thought that serves no useful purpose for your well-being, If not, are you willing to let it go? So, unless you know the answers to these questions: + Is it your own original thought? + Is it someone else’s thought? + Do you like this thought? + Does this thought make you feel better? + Does this thought work for you? + Are you in control of your thought? + Do you want to keep this thought or let it go? …you do not know your thoughts entirely. This piece on getting rid of negative thinking is excerpted with permission from Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever by Ora Nadrich. About The Author Ora Nadrich is an author, certified life coach, and mindfulness meditation teacher. She is a frequent blogger for the Huffington Post on mindfulness and regularly speaks and leads workshops on living a mindful life. After retiring from acting, Ora devoted her time to studying the workings of the mind. On this psychological and spiritual journey she has studied various disciplines and techniques, including the Technology of Change with Robert Lorenz, extensive Jungian analysis, Kabbalah and Buddhism. Visit her website: oranadrich.com 7 Ways to Clear Your Mind of Negative
BY STEVE BLOOM | CATEGORIES: PRODUCTIVITY TIPS, SELF CONFIDENCE, SELF IMPROVEMENT Negative thinking can be a habit of mind. Thoughts sink in and linger there until you take action to get rid of them. When you first start thinking negatively, it can be tempting to try and force those thoughts out of your head. You try as hard as possible to stop thinking about them and push them out. But this approach often backfires. Resisting those negative thoughts can actually reinforce that thinking pattern and just make things worse. The more you try not to think about something, the more you actually end up thinking about it. To get rid of negative thinking, you need to try a different approach – something that will clear your mind of those negative thoughts once and for all. Here are seven ways to clear your mind of negative thinking. 1. Change your body language Take a moment to observe your body language. Are you slouching with a closed stance? Are you frowning? If you are, you’re more likely to think negatively. Bad body language can lower your self-image and lead to a lack of confidence. In that emotional state, it’s only natural to start having bad thoughts. Sit up straight in a confident manner. Open your stance and smile more. Fix your body language and you’ll feel a lot better. It might be just what you need to clear those negative thoughts. 2. Talk it out Sometimes negative thinking occurs because you have issues or emotions you need to get out. It’s not good to keep things to yourself. If you have something that needs to be addressed, you should talk through them with someone. Putting things into words gives your thoughts shape and form. That can help you put things into perspective so you can deal with them at the root of the problem. 3. Spend one minute calming your mind of all thought When your mind is running a mile a minute, it can be hard to keep up. With everything racing around your head, it can be hard to control the thoughts going on inside – especially the negative ones. Slow things down. One minute of calming is often all it takes. It’s kind of like meditation – you’re emptying your mind. Think of it as a reboot. Once it’s empty, you can fill it with something a little more positive. 4. Change the tone of your thoughts Sometimes negative thinking is the result of poor perspective. Take a look at the point of view you take on the things going on around you. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m going through a difficult time and I’m having trouble,” think “I’m facing some challenges, but I’m working on finding solutions.” You’re basically saying the same thing, except the second way has a more positive spin to it. But sometimes that little tonal shift can make a huge difference to your thinking patterns. 5. Be creative When negative thoughts come, it can pay to spend some time creatively. Find a creative outlet for your thoughts. Write things out. Draw or paint something – even if you have to use a crayon. As long as you’re using your creativity to get your negativity out, it can work. Exploring your emotions through creativity acts like auto-therapy and can elevate your mood. Creativity can feel like a release. When you put your emotions through an art form, you get them out of your system and clear them out. 6. Take a walk Because thoughts arise in the mind, it’s easy to assume that’s where they’re formed. Well, that’s only partly true. Sometimes our thoughts are a product of our environment. For example, if you surrounded yourself with negative people and negative imagery, you’d probably start to think negatively in turn. Stepping away from a negative environment can help immensely. Take a walk alone away from your usual atmosphere. Head somewhere uplifting like a park or museum. Time spent distancing yourself from those negative influences can bring you great peace of mind. 7. Start listing out what you’re grateful for Have you forgotten all the good things you have going for you? Sometimes in the daily grind, we lose focus on all the ways things that are going right in our lives. If that’s you, then you need to re-train your mind to focus on all the good happening around you instead of the bad. List off everything you’re grateful for no matter how small they seem to be. Don’t take anything for granted anymore. Sometimes the good things in our lives are right in front of our faces and we still fail to see them. Stop being blind to the positive things you already have going for you. “Can’t we all just get along?” How many times have we asked ourselves that question? From arguments with spouses, partners, family members and friends, to strife between differing cultures and countries, it seems friction and arguments are a natural part of every relationship. And, what we have to remember is that everything we encounter in this life is producing a sense of friction. Some versions we like because it’s stimulating and exciting, and yet it can be the biggest cause of pain and frustration in our relationships, especially with those we love the most. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States end in divorce. Even with what seems to be dismal facts, there IS a positive reframe here. The truth is that friction is serving something wonderful. If we can tap into the service that’s being done. What Is Friction? Friction is simply a law of physics. When high-frequency energy hits the density of lower frequency energy such as physical matter, friction occurs. At a soul-level, the truth of who we are is very high-frequency energy and because we are living within the material, physical world, everything we encounter in this life, whether we perceive it as “good” or “bad,” is producing a sense of friction. When friction is “good” –vs– feeling “bad” When friction is “good,” it feels stimulating and exciting, like a new idea or meeting someone special. When friction feels “bad,” it shows up as arguments, when something doesn’t go the way that we want, or when a relationship isn’t meeting our expectations. It can feel extremely frustrating to feel this friction and tension with others, but this friction is actually serving something positive. Be The One Who Helps Transcend The Argument The moment that you feel the defense physiology kicking in, one of you has to come down off of that and the best way to transcend the argument and to guarantee that it’s not going to happen is if it’s you that does it. Here are some easy steps to do when you feel you are about to enter into an argument or conflict with another person: 1. Be tuned into your center and recognize that you are feeling that pressure rising. 2. Become mindful of the situation and physically focus on your core. 3. Decide to be the one who chooses to come down off of that feeling. 4. Come back in to your own Central Channel. 5. Breathe up and down the center of your body. 6. Relax and stay in that state, and sense yourself as being “whole”. 7. Refrain from needing to prove a point or needing approval from the other person. 8. Hear what the other person is trying to say and reflect it back to them The soulful self, the you, the true essence already has what the personality is looking for here. When you come back to your own center (as in number 4 above) and you begin to practice this exercise on a regular basis, you begin to feel a sense of wholeness inside of your core. You are then able to bring love, compassion to the other person and be open to hearing what they are trying to say. Once you hear what they are trying to say and reflect it back to them, then they feel heard just like you wanted to feel heard. But, you don’t need to feel heard because you feel the same sense of “presence” that you would have if you had been heard. All by stay connected to your central channel. The whole idea is to recognize that if you can create that resistance inside your body and stay connected to your “sense of self”, then you don’t have to create that friction outside of your body in the friction that would exist between you and the other person. When we come in contact with the awareness of our core truth, we no longer have a desperate feeling that our partner or other person has to know us, in order for us to know ourselves. During an argument, we feel we have to be “right,” because at a human level we want to know we’re ok. The truth of our being is that we’re already ok. If we can find that sense of “okay-ness” in the midst of an argument, we no longer have the urge to prove ourselves right. We can stop and be present, which allows our partner to settle into their true essence as well. It’s from this place; an argument becomes a discussion of sharing ideas and perspectives in a collaborative way. It becomes an invitation for inclusion and a model for each person to behave in a different pattern. Getting Back To The Love Quicker When you come from a place of compassion and understanding, the energy will begin to back down and that friction will start to come back to a flow, peace, and grace. By allowing them to say their point and to really listen and reflect back what you’re hearing, you give them “loving allowance” by showing them you are available. Just in that moment of you asking for them to communicate so they can see that you’re listening, that act right there, (rather than fighting it) shifts the energy. Not only does it allow a better connection between the two of you, it allows love to flow. You actually transcend the argument by allowing it to show you the capacity you have to tap into love and your appreciation for the other. You can choose to move to love, to be the first one to step out of the vibration causing friction and into the higher vibration of love. When you anchor in your own core, it allows you to open to love again. The task is to remember, in that moment when you’re seated there and breathing into the core of your body, you feel a beautiful sense of presence and are able to open to love. This exercise allows you to remember that you love or care about this person you’re arguing with, or that is so upset. And you can look to them with compassion and understanding. If you can sit in that loving place, even for a split second, you can start to open up to that higher vibrational frequency of your truth. As your vibration raises, so does the others and those two separate energy fields start to become one, giant energy field, encompassing the both of you. And you start to feel an embrace that was isolating you prior to your ability to perceive it. And in that space, love is present. So we infuse love into the energy frequency. The energy field of the other individual starts to up-level itself to match the frequency of love, as it melts into what you’re generating, by transcending this argument, and allowing love to prevail. Dr. Sue Morter from Morter Institute bridges science, spirit and human possibility. For over 30 years, she has been teaching health care practitioners, patients and students integrative approaches to wellness, based in quantum science and energy medicine. Visit drsuemorter.com for more information. A Freer (Happier!) Way to Think By Deepak Chopra Every day unwanted thoughts enter our minds: "What's wrong with me?" "I keep doing this to myself," "I'm stupid," "I'm all alone," "I never get a break" and "How will I ever get out of this?" Our minds are vulnerable to negative thoughts, causing us doubt, worry, anxiety—and frequently, it's the same negative thoughts that return over and over. Repetition is a sign that you need to change. A part of you is calling out to get your attention. These thoughts are like having a rock in your shoe. It's not reasonable to ask the rock to quit hurting you or to see it as your enemy. The pain the rock causes is only asking for a remedy. The first step is making a decision, one that only you can make: to walk away from the false solutions and futile tactics that have kept you stuck in your mental misery. It's not the thoughts that are making you miserable; it's the lack of a viable strategy. Psychologists have asserted for decades that there is a huge difference between having a negative thought and turning it into action. Yet this lesson never seems to sink in. Thoughts are just fleeting mental images. They have no consequences until you choose to make them important. Let's look more closely at the five choices that will help you take the mental rock out of your shoe. 1. Turn Negativity into Positive Action If an obsessive thought is a cry for help—and it is—bring the help that's asked for. You wouldn't neglect a crying child, yet we all neglect our negative thoughts, which are the mental equivalent. Let's say you are in a difficult situation and you start thinking, "What's wrong with me?" or "How will I ever get out of this?" Acknowledge that you are feeling scared, which is the real event occurring in your mind. Don't push the anxiety away. Take a break and walk away from the immediate stress. Sit quietly and take some deep breaths. Do your best to center yourself. Once you feel calm enough to address the situation, make a plan. Write down the possible steps you can take that will be positive, achievable actions. (The point here is to use the rational side of the brain rather than giving in to runaway emotion.) Once you have your list, put the positive actions in order of which to do first, second and third. Now take the first step. Turning an emotional event inside yourself into a set of rational steps is one of the best ways to rise above the level of the problem to the level of the solution. 2. Get a Healthy Outside Perspective If a negative mental habit—like feeling insecure, scared or helpless—has been with you for a while, you need to check if your plan for action is workable. Seek outside validation. Go to someone you trust, preferably someone who displays the qualities you want to acquire (e.g., a firm sense of self, a lack of fear and plenty of self-reliance), and discuss the practical things you intend to do. I'm not talking about the kind of adviser who says things like "Get over it," "Everyone feels that way" or "Poor thing." Such statements are copouts. Seek someone who genuinely empathizes and can validate your plan to change. Next: How to put an end to a bad habit 3. Don't Indulge the Level of Futility We've already discussed our propensity to keep doing what never worked in the first place. But futile tactics are insidious. They keep coming to mind over and over, despite their record of failure. The difficulty is that you have wired your brain, setting down a groove that is all too easy to fall back into. Grooves can be erased only by forming new grooves. If you find yourself falling back into self-defeating thoughts, stop and say, "That's how I've been approaching the problem. And it doesn't work." You will have to do this more than once, and yet each time is useful. The more you stop indulging the level of futility, the more mental energy can be devoted to new tactics. Please note, I'm not saying that you should fight your old mental habits. That's a recipe for more misery, as all wars are. Your aim is simply to notice what doesn't work, which is a form of mindfulness or self-awareness. 4. Expand Your Awareness When the mind is constricted, it becomes like a tight muscle—you can't expect it to move as long as it's cramped. The things that constrict the mind: old conditioning, outworn beliefs, ritualized thinking, habit, inertia, fear and low expectations. These are challenges you need to confront as honestly as possible. Having a closed mind doesn't feel good, so whenever you detect any kind of inner discomfort, the first tactic should be to expand your awareness. Let's say that you feel resentment toward someone else. Clearly, that is a contracted mindset. If you were more open-minded, you'd start to tolerate that person, see their good side, and stop waiting for something new to blame and dislike them for. In and of itself, open-mindedness solves all kinds of problems that are the result of narrow-mindedness. But to achieve it, you need to stop believing that being stuck, judgmental, opinionated and self-important ever works. You must learn to know yourself better, to follow the model of tolerant people rather than prejudiced ones, to turn away from victimization and so on. For years I've recommended meditation as the most effective way to expand awareness. Also useful are mindfulness, self-reflection, prayer, contemplation and counseling. 5. Take Full Responsibility Your mind encompasses the best of yourself and the worst. It holds the greatest promises and the greatest threats. Our minds create our reality. Once you face this fact, it can be overwhelming. We all secretly want to escape responsibility for creating the situation we find ourselves in. We don't want to face painful truths. Change feels like risk. Our minds are used to projecting blame and judgment upon others. So much promise goes unfulfilled this way. In truth, the power to create your reality, which begins by building a mature self, opens the way to life's greatest joys. Next: Two ways to turn your perception around 6. Develop a Higher Vision of Your Life It would be sheer drudgery if you took responsibility for only the bad things in your life. You are also responsible for the good things. If you have a vision for yourself, you can aim higher. The good things become more meaningful because you are heading for long-term fulfillment. This is much better than a string of short-term pleasures, nice as they may be. People without a vision can amass a lot of small pleasures. This kind of immediate gratification is everywhere in our society; distractions are a multi-billion-dollar business. Look at your daily quotient of idling around the Internet, video games, channel surfing, movies, snacking, shopping, and merely hanging around. These distractions are hangovers from adolescence, when immaturity was a natural state. They drop away when life moves on and you undertake the project of building a self. The point isn't to become self-serious and reject having fun. The point is to aim for higher satisfactions that last. By developing a vision of what your life is about, you are asking, "Who am I?" and then turning your answer into positive actions. 7. Make Full Use of Your Successes We began with the universal problem of mental misery, tracing it back to the mind being an enemy instead of an ally. When you start making your mind into a friend, each step forward needs to be reinforced. That's how the brain gets new neural pathways that last. Without reinforcement, your successes will seem to float away while your problems will seem to stick around. In reality, negativity has no power to defeat positivity. Both forces exist in everyone's mind. The real issue is to bring in as much light as you can. Negativity acquires its power through repetition, being unconscious, judging yourself and focusing on setbacks. Positivity gains its power by celebrating our successes, associating with people who are good role models, learning to be emotionally resilient, being objective about your situation and, above all else, acquiring self-awareness. I realize that I've set out a plan for overcoming mental misery that sounds daunting if you are used to following futile tactics—most of which only postpone the day when you make a tremendous discovery, that you are not life's victim or fate's pawn. But you are the creative center of your own existence. The greatest power we have is the power to create reality. Mental misery denies you that power. Taking positive steps to turn our mind into an ally is the escape route everyone has been seeking for centuries. The essence of wisdom is to see that there is always a solution once you realize that the mind, which seems to create so much suffering, has infinite potential to create fulfillment instead Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/how-to-stop-anxiety-and-obsessive-thoughts-deepak-chopra/all#ixzz51eKFVT00 , What if today for the next fourteen days till the New Year you started cultivating Self Love and Gratitude in you life. Give yourself the ultimate gift! This is amazing time to prime yourself for a glorious 2018! 3 Daily Practices to Cultivate Self Love and Happiness By Cristina Bold It all starts and ends with love. Everything we do in life is driven by either love or lack of love. And the most important force from all types of love is the self love. Because it´s what we feel about our essence. We fall in and out of loves, we climb life mountains and cross valleys, we grow and we die and, sometimes, we forget all along to fall in love with ourselves. With who we are and what we represent in this world. And this, beyond all the wins and losses, gives a continuous state of discrete but deep emptiness. Who am I in my life? And who do I want to be?These are the two most important questions that can start any life shift. But, the doors to their true answers can be unlock only by one power: the self love. We are not born with a true sense of self love. And we rarely inherit it. But, once we become aware of its importance, we can grow it as the force that will push us to be our Best Self. Without self love, we are infinitely poor. Lack of self love locks the heart in the dark cell of scarcity, fear, and doubt. Far away from where the beauty of life happens. So, the first step in the self-discovery journey is developing this love for who we are. Once having it, you´ll always experience a quantum leap in the pursuit of a meaningful and fulfilled life. Here are 3 of the daily practices that you can use to cultivate self love and happiness into your life. 1. Learn to love and accept yourself the way you areFind a quiet place and moment and watch your image in a mirror. Watch your body, your face, your eyes… take your time. And, when you feel ready, say to yourself: (Your Name), I love you and I accept you fully and completely. You are enough. Repeat this three times and, with each repetition, move your awareness on your feelings. How do these words make you feel? Are you feeling calm and peaceful? Or are you feeling uncomfortable? Funny? Nervous? Pissed off? Or just ridiculous? The feeling you have simply shown one thing: that easy or that hard it is to look at yourself and to love and accept yourself completely. But these few words that you try saying are the exact ones that each and every one of us long to hear from the most important people in our life…. How could anyone else tell you these very words when you can´t even do it for yourself? So, repeat the exercise until you feel comfortable to express full and sincere acceptance & love for who you are. For yourself. Note: Why is it important to practice this in front of a mirror? When we were kids, the adults in our lives were looking into our eyes while scolding or saying all those heavy, sometimes painful stuff that stuck to our hearts and minds. And we, subconsciously, translated all that as not being accepted and loved enough… You touch the inner being of the person when looking into her eyes. It works the same when we work on ourselves. 2. Practice a daily Cleansing MeditationAs we clean and prepare our physical appearance every day, our emotional and mental bodies need also to be regularly cleansed. For this, you can practice a very simple meditation. Just choose a calm moment in a calm place, sit comfortably, in a relaxed position and listen to a calm soothing music. Repeat for yourself, as and when you feel comfortable: Release, release, release…. Release tension. Release anger. Release fear…. Release guilt….. Release sadness…. Release…. Release…. Release…. I´m in peace with myself…. I´m at peace with life. I´m peace…. You can release whatever you feel the need to clean out of your emotions and thoughts. If it helps, visualize the burden getting outside of your physical body and disappearing far away, into the light. Feel the relief. Feel the freedom… Release… Repeat this meditation at least a few times per week. You´ll feel the difference pretty soon. 3. Use the most powerful words “I am..” to your benefitWe are what we believe we are. And the most important sentences that we hear in this world start with” I am…”. So, take a few moments each day to tell to yourself what you are. Everything you wish is already in you, otherwise, you could not even think of it. By daily repetition, you enhance that longed for the feature. You expand it… You expand yourself until you reach the reality and life that you are dreaming of. So, say: I am strong. I am healthy I am happy I am confident I am lovable I am loved I am fabulous Use the qualities that will turn you into your best self, once achieved. Write these down on a piece of paper, and while you do so, live the meaning of your words. It will take you around 15 minutes to go through the above steps every day. Use those minutes wisely and see your life shift You can be anything, as soon as you start believing and living that in your mind and heart. |
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Lisa Rasmussen MFA Artist, Creative Life Coach, Teacher, Alchemist, Tree Hugger, Cat Lady, Mystic, Foodie, Thalassophile (Lover of the Sea) Sacred Site Wonderjunkie. Archives
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